Dating a Barton Girl
by Questar Siderial
Summary: Years have passed, and Lila Barton has begun dating. All fine and dandy for her, but for her boyfriend, things are a little more challenging. Trevor Munn must find a way to impress a dozen overprotective superheroes without losing his nerve (or any limbs). One-shot. Fluff.


"And whatever you do, don't show fear. They can sense it."

Trevor Munn adjusted his collar, laughing nervously. "Really, Mr. Stark, this isn't making me less nervous."

"No, but it's making you more prepared." Tony stared down at him meaningfully. "And you need to be prepared."

Trevor shook his head as if to clear it, then, taking a deep breath, climbed the steps to the Barton Farmhouse. He rapped on the door. "Mr. Stark, I don't think that you—" The door slammed open and he started, half-muffling a shriek. A strange man stood in the doorway, staring down at him with piercing blue eyes shadowed by brows drawn together in a frown of disapproval. His left arm was made of interlocking pieces of metal, and both arms were crossed. He glowered at the boy.

Trevor gulped. "I-I'm here to see Lila?"

"So?"

"So could I come in, please?" His voice hadn't squeaked like this since high school.

The glower deepened. "Name?"

"T-Trevor. Trevor Munn." He wished for the millionth time that he was taller. Everyone dwarfed his five-feet-seven-inches.

"Bucky? Are you blocking the door again?" Laura Barton's face appeared in the doorway. "Oh, Trevor. Hello."

He nodded uncertainly. "Hi, Mrs. Barton. How are you?"

"Fine, fine. Bucky, move."

Grudgingly, the colossus stepped aside. Laura beckoned Trevor forward, and he slunk in, painfully aware of the gaze burning on the back of his neck. He found himself in a small, pleasant living room adjoining a kitchen. "Lila's upstairs," Laura explained, motioning him to a couch. "I'll go let her know you're here."

"Thank you don't leave me." Trevor blinked in confusion. Oh. He'd only meant to say one of those things—although to be perfectly honest he wasn't sure which one.

Laura glanced at the metal-armed man. "Bucky, why don't you go outside and tell the boys dinner is almost ready."

With one last glare, Bucky left the room, slamming the front door behind him. Trevor breathed a sigh of relief. Laura gave him a pitying smile. "Good luck." She disappeared up the stairs.

"Good luck for what?" Trevor muttered to himself. "I made it past the worst part, right?"

"Wrong."

Trevor whirled. A redheaded woman lounged on the couch, a nail polish brush poised above her right hand. She smiled pleasantly up at him. Point five seconds later, his arm was jerked behind his back, and she was whispering calmly into his ear. "I can think of fourteen different ways to remove your internal organs right now, nine of which I've tested. Hurt Lila, and I think I can come up with a few more." Then, just as quickly, she was on the couch again, blowing lightly on the drying polish. "So, do you like dogs?"

He stumbled backwards, bailing for the kitchen. Once around the corner and out of the woman's sight, he sagged against the island, panting. He jerked up at the sound of someone stirring across the room. A rumpled-looking man holding a half-full coffee pot waved vaguely at him. "Just reheating this," he muttered. "I think Tony is going to be at it all night again."

"I can make you a fresh pot if you want, Uncle Bruce." Lila skipped into the kitchen, latching onto Trevor's arm. She grinned up at him, dark eyes sparkling. "Hey stranger."

He blinked dazedly, then forced himself to smile. "H-hey, Lila." Although he kept the smile plastered on, there was a note of despair in his voice. "You look beautiful. Pretty dressy for a family dinner." She did look beautiful. Ugh. Why did she have to be so amazing?

Her smile faded. "What's wrong? Are my uncles being mean to you?"

Before he could answer, Laura stuck her head around the corner. "Dinner's ready, you three."

The disorganized man—Uncle Bruce, Lila had called him—glanced up uncertainly. "I think Tony and I will be out in the shed. You know he hates to quit in the middle of a project."

Laura folded her arms. "Well, then you'd better bring some out to him. I'm not letting you two skip another meal."

"Yes, ma'am," he mumbled.

Somehow Trevor made it in one piece to the dinner table. Bucky and the red-headed woman were there, as well as Mr. Barton, and three other men he hadn't met. He swallowed as he sat down. If the size of their forearms was any indication, he would not want to antagonize any of them. He glanced at Lila, who smiled back brightly. Laura Barton seated herself at the foot of the table, and they bowed their heads. Trevor felt Lila's warm hand in his, the tingle going up his arm, and swallowed again. When they had opened their eyes again, Mr. Barton shoved a forkful of potatoes into his mouth, and turned to the red-haired woman. "So, did you guys finish putting the tractor back together?"

Nat took a swig of milk. "Mostly. We're still working on removing the spikes, though." She glanced at Trevor, and smiled sweetly. "Bucky and I... _repurposed_ it to deal with Lila's last boyfriend," she explained.

"Aunty Nat," Lila moaned. "You promised me you wouldn't mention that."

"So." One of the musclebound men cleared his throat. "I don't think I caught your name, son."

"Trevor." His voice was flat with exhaustion.

"Nice to meet you, Trevor. I'm Steve. What do you do for work?"

"I, uh..." His mind blanked for a minute. "I'm an accountant."

"Are you in school?"

"Graduated last year with my Bachelor's."

"I see."

"What do you—"

"—Oh come on, Steve," the man sitting next to him burst out. "Leave the poor kid alone. Can't you see he's been through enough already?"

"Ooh," Nat hissed under her breath. "You shouldn't have done that, Sam."

Bucky locked eyes with Sam. Reaching across the table, he gripped Trevor's head with his metal hand, and began lowering it deliberately towards the plate of food in front of the boy.

"Come now, friends!" A booming voice halted the downward progress of Trevor's face. "I think there is a way for us to settle the fate of this lad peaceably!"

He found the steely grip removed from the back of his head, and straightened. The blond, bearded man was grinning. "There is one certain way," he continued, "to see if he is worthy of Lady Lila."

Mr. Barton glanced around the table. "That all right with you all?" After a moment, they all nodded.

"Daddy, are we really doing this now?" Lila rose reluctantly from the table.

"Had to happen sometime, sweetheart." Clint beckoned everyone back into the living room, where the sofa was already occupied by a cuddling couple.

Lila motioned to the girl. "Trevor, this is my sister-ish, Wanda. Wanda, this is Trevor."

The accountant hardly noticed the girl. Instead, he stared at the man who was sitting with his arm around her. "Sir..." he said slowly, "I _respect_ you."

Lila was tugging him towards the coffee table, one hand applying constant pressure on his back. He wondered if she could feel his despair through his shirt. He almost thought he caught a glimpse of a face watching through the window... Mr. Stark?

The rest of the family had gathered around, and now the blond, bearded man pulled something from behind him and set it on the table. A hammer. He stepped back, still grinning broadly. "If you can lift Mjolnir, then you truly are worthy of Lady Lila. If not—" Trevor could hear metal knuckles cracking.

He was too exhausted to question anything. He looked down at Lila, standing at his shoulder. It was... it was worth it. If this went on for days, it would still be worth it. He stepped forward, wrapping his hands around the leatherbound handle, shot one last glance at Lila, and heaved.

A firework exploded outside the window, and someone (also outside) began whooping. He frowned down at the surprisingly light hammer in his hand, but was immediately distracted by Lila's hand appearing on his shoulder. He dropped the hammer (which may have been a mistake), his arm sliding around her. Those magical dark eyes smiled up at him, and then...

Well, it'll probably save time if I just say that they lived happily ever after.


End file.
